Little Hearts

  In a world full of strife,
    you make it worth fighting for.
  A purpose to my life,
    now and forever more.

  Unconditional love to share,
     you can have it all.
  To you my heart I bare,
    your Little Hearts made me fall.

I love my girls so much.  Somedays I have to pinch myself, then I soon realize that I have been given two precious gifts and we are so lucky to know these little people.

xoxo
Jesse

Ch- ch- ch- ch- ch changes

  I now realize that it has been a long time since I have sat down to write a post in this ol blog of mine.  Not like anyone is sitting on the edge of their seats waiting or anything... right?  Well needless to say, I have been a busy mommy.  The girls have changed so much this last month I can hardly believe it.  I have one baby who is a big talker/ squeaker.... whatever you want to call it.  That baby is Farren.  She is just full of little noises and has totally found her voice.  I love it.  Nellie is also talking a lot just not as much as her twin counterpart.  The cutest thing is when they make little noises they make while looking at each other!  They make high pitched squeals of excitement and smile so big at each other!  
  Personally, I have been feeling overwhelmed in my house!  I sometimes let the work around here get so far behind that it feels really challenging to get caught up!  But I must this week ( my parents are coming for Christmas) and the house must be clean so mom and I can just go shopping!  A good friend of mine gave me the BEST advice when it comes to house work and keeping up or catching up!  She just said to take 10 minutes and just do a small job!  Like clean a cupboard or the fridge or the front closet.  Just a small job that you don't do on a day to day basis, it then feels like you have at least accomplished something!  Does anyone out there have any advice they could lend?  Send it my way. I know that I shouldn't be so hard on myself, I mean its not like my house is a complete disaster, it just feels that way sometimes!  
 Today I was reminded about how blessed I truly am to have such a great family.  I love my little girls more than I can even describe and I feel like Dallas and I truly are figuring this "parenting twin" thing out!  I must get to bed!  This mommy is exhausted!  


xoxo
Jesse

I Heart Routine

  I am sitting here enjoying my coffee while two sets of eyes, ears, hands, and feet are all pointed towards me.  I have two smiling little babies and I just love it!  Three months has just flown by and I can hardly believe that we have made it this far and it has gone fast but slow at the same time.  The changes are incredible.  It feels like somedays they just seriously change right before our eyes.  I am happy to say that the girls are just thriving.  Yesterday we had their 3 month check up and Nellie came in at a whopping 14lb 5oz and Farren at 12lb 14oz!  So there is just over a pound difference between them still!  I seriously almost fell over when I seen that.  I knew that they were heavier, but not that heavy!  I am not complaining!  All of those 430 am feeds have paid off!  I have to say that I am a much rested and happy mom.  The girls basically go to bed anywhere between 830-915 and they usually sleep until about 630 or 730.  I honestly believe that routine has saved us!  Every night they get a bit fussy around 630 so we give them some milk and they are content and we just snuggle them and have a little play till around 730-745, then the fun begins with their baths!  After their baths they get their massages.  This just relaxes them so much and by 815 they are ready to eat again and they wind down and go to sleep.  Every night they get swaddled in their elephant blankets, put in bed ( which is still in our room ) and they get all tucked in right next to each other.  We are very lucky because they just go straight to sleep, never a fuss or a peep out of them.  Its incredible!  So this way Dallas and I get an hour to ourselves with each other! Its fabulous!  So now you all know our routine!
  So every morning when they are waking up I peak in their little bed and see two smiles, they now recognize me as their mamma ( what a great feeling ).  Farren and Nellie now make little talking sounds like "AAAHHH GOOO" and when I say that back they continue and we go back and forth.  Little sweeties.  
  We all know that Christmas is just around the corner so this year I am starting a tradition for the girls.  I am making them photo books.  I know that little kids love looking at pictures of mom and dad, their cousins, grandparents, pets, etc..  Its a great present and a nice keepsake for the girls as they get older.  This way they can see the last year of their life!  I have to take the girls to get their picture with Santa.  That should be a fun day!  I might try the mall today, but we might also just wait till next week!  Crazy line ups for that fat man!
  I should sign off here!  I hope you are all enjoying this mild weather!  Personally I am ready for the snow and cold!  Bring it on!


xo
Jesse

Baby Body

Two weeks before babies

  I have contemplated writing about this topic for a few days.  The last few days I have been thinking about the changes that have occurred regarding my body.  I was talking to Dallas about this the other day and was honestly feeling sorry for myself.  I just thought about when I was pregnant I had never felt more beautiful and full of life.  Now I do understand that not every pregnant women feels like this, but I did.  Now here we are 12 weeks after these two beautiful little babies have been born and I look at myself and realize that I am in complete mommy mode.  Maybe its the exhaustion or just the sheer fact that I have no time to really worry about how I look, but I don't feel even close to as great as I did when I was pregnant.  

Before Babies

  Everything has seemed to "fall" a little bit, if you know what I mean.  My stomach actually does look like a deflated balloon ( I didn't believe women when they told me this would happen ).  This all being said, I wouldn't change it.  In my life I have never had body image issues and I don't want to start down that road and I understand its been only 3 months since the girls have been born and it takes time for things to "bounce" back.  The funny thing about this whole topic is that as women we are harder on ourselves than others are and to someone just looking at me they would never know or even understand why I feel the way I do.  
  In Farren and Nellie's eyes they just don't care, I am their hero.  That is all that really matters, as long as the girls are thriving (and they are) I just will try to not worry so much about how I look.  


Xoxo

 Jesse

Choices

  Today I am aware of the huge gap that I used to have in my life, that piece that was missing.  I thought about my life before the girls and now I can't imagine my life with out both of them.  When you find out that you are having twins you wonder about how you might be able to love them equally.  Or even have enough love for both of them.  However, it is there.  My life has now been changed from being selfish and full of pleasing myself to being completely dedicated to my two amazing little girls.  

Farren loving her tummy

Nellie just smiling

A mommy and her girls

  Now I don't want anyone to be fooled here, those first two months were the easily the most challenging of my life.  I had rose colored glasses on thinking that it would be a walk in the park.  Boy was I wrong.  The challenge isn't in the obvious things like feeding the babies or waking up numerous times in the middle of the night or the challenge of finding a routine.  Instead the difficulty came in all of the choices that I have had to make and find peace with.  The challenge of realizing that I am never going to meet all of the expectations that I had before the babies came.  I thought that I would breast feed exclusively and that was not as easy as I thought it would be.  I think that when someone is pregnant for the first time they need to be told that breast feeding is not easy, that it is challenging, that it is good only when it works.  I was speaking with a friend about releasing this guilt about not breast feeding and I have felt and still do feel guilty about not being able to provide them with the "best start" and she brought up a really great point about feeling guilty about enjoying NOT breast feeding.  I never really thought about that though and it makes a lot of sense to me.  I love the philosophy of attachment parenting, however I don't think that you have to only breast feed to bond with your child nor do you have to always have your child literally attached to you.  You do what is best for you and your child/children.  I love the fact that my girls love their little vibrating chairs because it gives me a break.  Before I used to cringe at the thought of even putting them in one and looking back I was just being too hard on myself, thinking that I wouldn't bond with them if they weren't being held the whole time.  Bonding I believe is a choice and there is no reason to think that you are a "bad" mommy because you can't breast feed or choose not to hold your baby all day, you do what works best for you.  

Farren & Nellie

  I am so glad to "get out" of that little tiny infant stage.  Now I get smiles that are like a "thank you for taking such good care of us" from the girls.  The really are sweet little babies ( and I am not just saying that because they are my babies), but they are extremely laid back.  Farren is more independent and just looks all around with her big eyes.  Nellie is a bit more "needy" and I am really stretching to use that word to describe her.  The girls are so aware now and just love looking around and having some music in the background.  
  Even though the last couple of months seemed to have flown by and I don't remember a lot of the first month or two I am just so excited for the next three months.  They are constantly changing and interacting with Dallas and I.  Its just so rewarding.  
  I hope that you are all embracing the constant changes that life brings.  


xoxo



Jesse

Lucky Lucky!

  Today is a bit of a milestone for a couple of reasons.  First off both the babies slept from 930-600 am.  What a glorious day!  Now I don't expect this to continue, but it is a huge step to know that they BOTH are capable of it!  So 6 hours of sleep in a row feels refreshing.  Secondly, the babies are spending the entire day at Grandma and Grandpas house!  Bev just picked up the girls and is taking them out to her house to spend the day with her.  So today I am having a day in my house all by myself and I am going to clean the entire place, and I might have a nap!
  Nellie and Farren are now 11 weeks old.  I can hardly believe it sometimes.  It feels like we waited so long for little smiles and now they are here.  I can sing weird and crazy little songs to them and make funny sounds and to them I am their little hero.  I am not sure how aware of each other they are yet, but their little personalities are starting to shine through.  I am a very lucky mommy because the girls are so laid back, one might even call them low maintenance ( like their mother ).  With having two babies I am very grateful about this trait.  Their little smiles are just so cute and when they smile their little eyes just light right up.  The other night I was changing Farren and I was so tired, but there was a little silver lining as she screamed for the first time.  It wasn't a scream for food, it was almost a giggle and she scared herself, it was really cute and at 430 am I was laughing at her.
  I am going to post this now because I wrote this on Tuesday and well its Thursday and I have something else to write about!

Cheers!
 

Baby Baby Baby

 So, I just looked and I have started to write like 3 posts and then the girls wake up and I have to stop.  So this morning I hope hope hope that we might get some words on "paper".

Nellie and Farren looking sweet.

  This week itself has been the most challenging for me as a mother and a wife.  Two major things have contributed to these feelings.  The first is that I have decided to stop breast feeding and pumping.  My body is exhausted, I am exhausted and honestly when the babies are sleeping I need to be doing the same thing.  This was a huge decision for me to come to terms with because I wanted so bad to be able to give our girls the very best start in life that they can have.  I have though, I gave them breast milk for close to two months of their lives.  I joined these forums/ groups on Facebook that promote breast feeding, but they just made me feel guilty about even giving my children formula.  I just came to the simple conclusion that I have to make things very simple around my home to be able to make it day to day and when you have two babies that aren't super enthusiastic about breast feeding it makes life complicated and to pump milk 6-8 times a day and not have enough for them just made me feel overwhelmed.  I feel free of it though.  It sounds almost dramatic, but I challenge anyone to try.  Anyways, I don't feel that I have to justify my choice to anyone anymore.  I did the best I could for as long as I could!  I do have to thank Dallas, my mom, my mother in law and my friend Sara for just being the best support system that a girl could have.  It is nice to know that when it feels like everything is unravelling that you can pick up the phone and you have people that love and care not only about me but also my girls.  Being a mom is easily the hardest thing I have ever experienced, but so rewarding in the same breath.  Our girls are flourishing and everyday it seems like they are literally changing right before my eyes.  Its incredible!

Nellie after a bath at Grammas

Sisterly love.

  So the second thing that has made this week "interesting" is the fact that both of our girls have thrush.  It made me feel terrible that I didn't know why they were constantly eating and only sleeping in 1.5 hour intervals.  It has been like this for about 3 weeks.  How did I not know?  I thought this was normal patterns for babies which it is.  So Monday was a day from the hot place, Dallas and I couldn't communicate (which is not normal), the babies were constantly eating from 630 am to 330 in the afternoon and we were all tired.  Needless to say it was a very hairy day for the Campbell home.  So we packed up and went out to Grama and Grampa's house for a break.  Thrush is not fun with two babies.  They were abnormally fussy and up all the time.  So at their doctors appointment on Wednesday she confirmed that they indeed did have thrush and so now we remedy it.  Thursday was a completely different day.  They were content and calm again and that is just one day of the medication.  Poor little dears.
  At their doctors appointment she said they were doing great.  They are getting so big she said, "Are you feeding these girls cream?"  Nellie is weighing in at 10lbs 13oz and Farren is 9lbs 14oz.  So that means they are both almost double their birth weight!  I am so proud of them.  They are both the same length which is 21 inches.  So they are flourishing.  There are two proud parents here with their little girls just growing.

Nellie with her friend Ox.

Farren with her friend Moxy.

  One thing that I do want to mention is the idea of bonding with two babies.  Sometimes I feel terrible that I can't always be holding them, but the most reassuring thing is when you can clearly see that your babies are aware of your presence.  When no one else can calm and soothe them but me I secretly love it.  It must mean that they love their mama.
  I hope you are all enjoying this beautiful Fall that we are experiencing ( for those of you in Aussie, I hope you are enjoying your Spring).

xoxo





Jesse, Nellie and Farren